This One's For the Ladies

Seems a safe bet that the designers of Samsung's new “Ladies Phone” aren't among the device's target gender. The company's wireless handset — the SGH-T700, introduced late last year at the ITU Telecom Asia 2002 event — is so blatantly sexist that you half expect to hear an Eminem song as its pre-programmed ringtone. Only guys could come up with something quite this misguided.

To begin, there's the phone's design, which resembles either a cosmetic case, a toilet seat or a birth control container, depending on whom you ask. (Classy!) Then there are its special features: It has a unique product name, “Drama,” because women are dramatic and stuff. (Catty!) It has a biorhythm monitor that charts the physical, emotional, intellectual and intuitive cycles of your life based on sine wave patterns traced back to the date of your birth. (Cosmic!) And last but certainly not least, it has a calorie counter for those ladies watching their figures — and for the men watching the ladies' figures, if you know what I mean. (Chauvinistic!)

Equally appalling is what the Drama model handset doesn't include: GPRS and MMS support. However, it does come with the numbers of the local PTA, the Precious Moments figurine order support hotline and the Betty Crocker Helpline already programmed into speed-dial. (OK, I made that last part up.)

So caveat emptor, baby. There's a clear demand for phones designed specifically for women — phones that are stylish and compact, to be certain, but also boasting the same functionality and cutting-edge technology of other devices. Fellas, think of it this way: If a so-called “Man Phone” came out, shaped like a remote control and complete with real-time sports updates, horse racing tips and bodily noise ringtones, how would you feel?

(Note to self: Patent idea for “Man Phone.”)