Lavish Stupidity

It's no secret wireless carriers want to imbue wireless handsets with more perceived value so they won't have to take such a hit on subsidizing them. But come on — Nokia's taking the theory a bit too far.

The charter of Nokia's new Vertu subsidiary is to design and sell the most lavish, expensive mobile phones on the market. Priced at 24,000 euros (about U.S. $21,000), Vertu phones will come cased in platinum with a sapphire crystal glass screen.

For roughly the same price, rival Sony Ericsson plans to offer an 18-carat gold model embossed with the owner's name. Wouldn't they save an awful lot in engraving costs if they just went ahead and put “Chump” on all of them?

No one needs a mobile phone that costs that much. No one. Not the Sultan of Brunei, not Bill Gates, not P. Diddy. Especially not P. Diddy. After all, it's difficult to throw your hands in the air and wave 'em around like you just don't care when you're clutching a handset worth roughly the cost of a Volkswagen or a year of graduate school.

Face it: Cheap phones are still a staple of wireless service plans. And while wireless companies might argue that cell phones are fashion accessories, the emphasis should be put on accessorizing: Like ties, purses and toy poodles, accessories are meant to coordinate. A diamond-studded phone doesn't match the wardrobe of anyone but the artist formerly known as Liberace.

So caveat emptor, baby. But if you still can't resist temptation and end up splurging on a Vertu handset, consider this when it comes time to select a ringtone melody: The Who's “Won't Get Fooled Again” would be a very appropriate choice.