Callers Behaving Badly

I was at the public library heading for the "new books" shelf when I saw her -- or rather, I heard her. She was talking on her wireless phone as she perused the books. No, she wasn't asking the name of a particular book or author. She was telling a friend about her recent shopping trip. In short, she was guilty of three sins: She was talking in the library, she was blocking the shelf, and her conversation was boring. I stared at her for a minute, and she murmured into her phone, "I'm at the library, so I better go," before slinking off into "audio books," where she no doubt belonged.

That night my husband had a wireless anecdote of his own. He works for a telephone carrier where the haute couture for engineers is a PCS phone attached to your belt on one side and a pager on the other. He had been in the men's room when he heard a voice coming from an occupied stall. Startled for a minute, he then realized the occupant had taken the "anytime, anyplace" aspect of wireless telecommunications literally.

The truth is that wireless phones -- despite all their virtues -- have given us more ways to behave badly. When carriers and etiquette mavens must publish rules telling us that it's rude to take wireless calls at funerals, one begins to suspect a problem.

MTN, a leading African network operator, is up front in telling its customers that allowing a wireless phone to ring in public does not convey some superior status to them; all it proves is their lack of culture and courtesy. Ameritech Cellular doesn't go quite so far. It suggests keeping the phone close because others won't appreciate "more than a few rings."

In India, the new generation of wireless users has been dubbed the "cellerati," according to the magazine, India Today. Forget number portability. Wireless is so popular that many VIPs keep changing their numbers to keep down the calls. Apparently some Indian callers still haven't mastered the art of brevity.

A few years ago, Time International published some rules for wireless users abroad: Don't take wireless phones into posh English men's clubs. (You'll be asked to leave.)Don't talk on wireless phones on Parisian buses. (You'll be verbally attacked for being a snob.) Don't use your phone anywhere where people have paid to hear voices other than yours (i.e., La Scala). Be careful who borrows your phone. (Don't lend it to your wife, if you've given the number to your mistress.)

Those last two rules came from the Italians who apparently love their "telefonini" or "little phones." A writer for the Atlantic Monthly told the tale of the Italian priest, who stopped in the middle of the offertory at mass to pull a ringing wireless phone from his vestments and answer it. The writer also noted that despite wireless phone prohibitions, the Italian House of Representatives eventually had to install a military signal-jammer to cut the chatter. In Italy if you can't afford wireless service, fake telefonini with piercing rings are available.

The CNET web site has a complete list of dos and don'ts for cellular phone users. It even deals with the issue of bathroom-stall calling (under "don'ts"). One suggestion initially seemed to have merit: Use the rules of cigarette smoking to govern wireless phone use. Asking, "Does anyone mind if I make a call?" seems fine. But then I envisioned that huddled group banished to the patio on a cold winter's day for a smoke. I don't think we want them to be joined by an equally miserable group of wireless phone users.

Hungarian carrier Westel takes the high road in its approach to phone etiquette. A Westel customer is a citizen of Cellphonia. As such, he is urged to adopt Westiquette and be a knight of the cellular phone. Some rules: Be discreet. Use tact. Combine good taste with efficiency.

Westel concludes that courtesy and moderation can increase the quality of connections as well as improving the status and use of cellular phones.

I agree.