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(Upstart) A quick fast forward to December 29, 2001, for a sneak peek at some of the year’s top headlines.

E-commerce goes live: Amazon.com signals the demise of e-tailing when it opens the first of a planned chain of “Bricks ‘n’ Mortar” superstores in the former headquarters of Montgomery Ward in Chicago. Amazon.com CEO Jeff Bezos holds a mouse cord-cutting ceremony at the grand opening of the store, where customers can pick out the books, CDs and toys they want to buy and get them right away. Ebay quickly announces plans for a chain of auction stores.

Telecom execs get jiggy with it: AT&T’s C. Michael Armstrong, WorldCom’s Bernie Ebbers and Sprint’s Bill Esrey form a boy band called Any Distance and go on a tour of convention cities with U.S. Sen. Orrin Hatch and his backing band, The Distinguished Gentlemen from Utah, as a warm-up act. Their first appearance at the Morial Convention Center in New Orleans turns ugly when Qwest’s Joe Nacchio tries to climb on stage screaming passages from the Telecommunications Act of 1996.

Sex education redefined: The reputation of the broadband video industry is besmirched when a service provider that specializes in delivering children’s entertainment and educational content accidentally starts streaming hard core porn to a third-grade classroom in Paw Paw, Mich. A spokesperson for the company says titles like “Snow White and the Seven Sailors” confused the network’s content classification system.

Gore goes off deep end: After failing to convince anyone that he did indeed invent the Internet, former vice president Al Gore tries to raise venture funding for a rival data network called the “Tippernet.” Investors back out when they find out the only content on the network will be jokes about George W. Bush. Gore later shows up on the Rosie O’Donnell Show claiming to have invented the “Linternet,” the device in clothes dryers that traps lint.

Editorial Director Jason Meyers lays down some wicked fife solos on “My God Is Love,” the new CD collection of inspirational and patriotic music from Sen. Orrin Hatch. Join his fan club at jason_meyers@intertec.com.