Last comic standing 2

I had a scorching interview with a telecom equipment vendor CEO in the can for last week's newsletter, but who would read it? Just you and a few other sorry saps that, for some reason, are working the day before a holiday. Those of you who--like Kirk Cameron--have been left behind, deserve a little goof-off time.

So, as I did the day before Thanksgiving 2003, I'm inviting you to take part in an (annual!) interactive joke-writing exercise that not only educates but underscores how hard my job really is.

Please submit your own punchlines to the following industry-related setups (I'll publish the best ones anonymously):

1. LightRiver Technologies bills itself a "full-service telecommunications solutions provider of high-performance products and services." By "full-service," they mean...

2. Workers contracted by Verizon Communications to deploy fiber-to-the-premises equipment accidentally struck a gas line in Florida last week...

3. In a recent interview with Optical Insight, Lambda Optical Systems CEO Irfan Ali said of his company's current revenue, "The bulk of the revenue has not happened yet."

4. Lucent Technologies former CEO Rich McGinn may be sued as a result of violating the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act--including its anti-bribery provisions--during the company's dealings with Saudi Arabia in the late 1990s...

5. SBC CEO Ed Whitacre recently told the Wall Street Journal, "I'm really not very techie, but I can use a computer. I can even burn a CD or load it on my iPod. There's something like 514 hours of music on it. I have Ray Charles on there, I have Steely Dan, I have the music from 'Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.'"

E-mail your entries to me at egubbins@primediabusiness.com. And then get back to work.