Holiday cheer

It’s the holiday season, and -- at least for our DSL-providing brethren -- it’s looking like the holidays are going to be spent in some local pub, drinking away their sorrows. So as a service to our favorite bartenders, here’s a little briefing, and maybe some canned advice to give (we know barkeeps are busy enough around the holidays taking care of the Upstart staff).

Expect to see Zyan’s president and CEO Crosby Haffner. He told his employees Monday morning that more than half of them would be let go. He seems like a good guy, no matter what his resellers say about trying to steal customers. According to an employee, he was even crying when he gave the news. That was just before security was brought in to escort the unlucky masses out.

Because of a seeming lack of secretaries, it wasn’t easy to confirm the rumor and we didn’t have time to DNA test the tissues. But it’s true, at least the part about the layoffs. “It was an internal restructuring, a realignment to get to profitability quicker. We are continuing with the business and to serve our customers,” says Tom Bracken, VP of marketing (for now).

As far as giving Haffner advice, this is a tough one. If it’s true he was breaking down in front of employees, he’ll be a mess after a couple of drinks. So, sugarcoat it. Tell him that there’s a lot of VC, and -- even though they’ve been looking for cash since they delayed their IPO -- they’ll eventually find someone to give them a few million. Even if the business plan’s not working. Or tell them that they’ll get bought -- founders love to hear that.

That last bit of advice is assuming the NorthPoint execs don’t come wandering in all surly, at least the ones that are still around. Here’s the story there: They just got jilted by Verizon because the company was headed for Mexico, financially speaking. The deal looked like the saving grace of the DSL business plan, but apparently big-pocketed carriers don’t want anything to do with companies having trouble with their earnings.

For these people, just use the old line about how people change and you probably weren’t right for each other anyway. Maybe follow it up with something like, “Hey, whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Hopefully they’ll be tipsy enough to feel this trite advice is somehow insightful. Just don’t mention that this deal might actually kill them.

And, for those of you that aren’t bartenders, don’t try giving advice -- just buy ‘em a drink. They need it, and it’s the holidays.

David Schober is Staff Writer for Upstart. Receiving e-mail is the highlight of his day -- write him at david_schober@intertec.com.