Whitacre's send-off

What do you get a guy like Ed Whitacre for his retirement? A gold watch? He's got one. Golf clubs? Got 'em. Cigar trimmer? Private jet? A really nice pen, maybe? He's got 'em all. About the only thing he doesn't have yet is a dollar sign with a one and eight-and-a-half zeroes after it. So in June, he'll get that, too.

After earning some $30 million in compensation last year, telecom's grand prize winner leaves AT&T next month with a retirement package worth nearly $160 million, including health benefits and perks like country club fees and use of an airplane. Why mess with golden parachutes when you can touch down on the runway in a golden jet?

As many have pointed out, these sums are highly discordant with both the returns he has brought to shareholders and, perhaps, common sense. According to the Corporate Library, a governance watchdog group, no American CEO's pension is larger than Whitacre's. It's also true that he is one of the longest-serving CEOs in corporate America, having become CEO of Southwestern Bell back in 1990, and his benefits have accumulated over time. AT&T says its stock outperformed its peers on Whitacre's watch (a notion the Corporate Library disputed in these pages a year ago), though it sagged well below the Standard & Poor's 500.

You could say Whitacre's exorbitant pension is commensurate with his impossible achievement. In essence, he smacked down no less formidable a foe than the U.S. government. Twenty years after Uncle Sam banished Ma Bell, Uncle Ed brought her back. And along the way, he smote a legion of CLECs that threatened to nibble the network into even smaller pieces. He subverted the law — legally. He resurrected the dead. Some of his peers in telecom who attempted lesser feats are either behind bars now or headed in that direction.

Still, what does one man do with $160 million? Whitacre is no stranger to philanthropy. At the end of 2005, his charity foundation claimed $5 million in assets, making it about a third the size of Cisco Systems CEO John Chambers' charity fund but about even with one of Mel Gibson's.

What will Whitacre want for himself? I read recently that Michael Jackson is considering building a 50-foot robot in his own likeness that would roam the Las Vegas desert, shooting lasers from its eyes. Maybe it would suit Whitacre's unmatched ambition to build a 100-foot Ed to stomp on that thing. But then what to do with the remaining $100 million? Perhaps AT&T's other retirees, who saw their own benefits cut in recent years, may have some suggestions.

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