Verizon on the horizon

I like and respect Verizon. But sometimes those you like need tough love. In fact, my admiration is why, in July 2005, when Verizon announced FiOS broadband service would be coming to my town, Ramsey, N.J. — as one of the first communities under its new statewide license — I thought, ‘Cool.’

In April 2006, at a borough meeting, Verizon's folks said that if Ramsey agreed to let them offer service, 90% of the town was ready for FiOS right then. The other 10% would be done once winter ended, and they could upgrade underground conduit. Double cool. FiOS probably before the snow fell.

They got permission to deploy. By summer, friends and neighbors were up and happy.I'm still waiting. I wanted a digital video recorder (DVR) service for my family as a holiday present to go with my FiOS. “Sorry,” Verizon said, “not until spring.” I couldn't wait. I got a DVR from Cablevision. I love it, especially since I tend to fall asleep before “Lost” and the end of Mets and Yankee games.

I forgot to mention that for the past 20 years, my wired phone service from Verizon has been problematic. Up to the house next door, my neighborhood is aerial cable, but more than 40 years ago, Ma Bell buried my connections. The termination box in my garage is just as old.

Over the years I've had frequent visits from wonderful technicians. Ten years ago, a supervisor came out after I called the CEO's office. They took a look. “An utter disaster” was the verdict. I asked when it would be replaced. “The only way to expedite it in a few years would be an act of God.” This person, who shall remain nameless, kindly suggested how to induce divine intervention. Being a law-abiding sort, destruction of phone company property was not in the cards.

Several times, when I've had service issues (like no dial tone), techs have looked at my garage and the pedestal, shaken their heads, moved me to one of the few pairs that worked and wished me luck.

“OK,” I thought. “FiOS will end this nightmare. Right?” Wrong.

I called Verizon. “When is FiOS coming?”

“In the spring.”

“What day?”

“We can't tell you.”

“Why?”

“Because there could be a natural disaster. We don't want to raise expectations.”

“How about a rough approximation, in weeks or even months?”

“It is our policy not to make such promises.”

So, I'd have to wait — but for what?

“If I don't take FiOS, will you fix the mess in my garage so I have decent phone service?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Not our job. We are regulated under the cable laws. If you don't take FiOS, we have no obligations in regard to your phone service.”

“Even if you upgrade the pedestal to FiOS, you won't fix the rest of my plant?”

“That is correct.”

I called Borough Hall, the New Jersey Board of Public Utilities and the New Jersey Rate Advocate. They felt my pain, but the response was the same: If it ain't broke, and/or you don't take FiOS, they are not under an obligation to fix it.

I asked them what I could do. The common response was wait until a service outage, and if Verizon did not replace the box in the garage, file a complaint.

“But I have been complaining for almost two decades,” I said.

“Keep up the good work, and keep us posted.”

Being a law-abiding citizen, I have not and will not induce an act of God in my garage. Good thing I have a cell phone and a car charger. Now I'm waiting not only for FiOS to my pedestal, but for God to invade my garage. Verizon remains on the horizon. Isn't statewide regulation great?

Gotta go. I need to DVR “The Sopranos” — something to watch while I wait. I wonder if Tony will be busy when the season ends?

Peter A. Bernstein is president of Peter A. Bernstein Associates. He can be reached at pabernstein@optonline.net.