MICRO-CHiP

Call off the dogs: The search for the Internet's killer app is over. It ended the moment a new Bell Labs program transformed the text of an e-mail into the spoken words of a shirtless Erik Estrada.

The new application, called Playmail, can convert e-mail text into two flavors of synthetic speech (both male and female voices) and synchronizes it with the animated lips of celebrity photographs. In addition to former “CHiPs” star Estrada, President Bush, Mr. T. and John Ritter (in perhaps their first appearance together) are all on hand to read e-mail — nodding, winking and smiling eerily on command, thanks to some artful pixel-fudging.

The results are more than a little disturbing. But if you've ever yearned to see Sir Alec Guinness say, “Fix me up a chili dog, yo,” or hear the Pope tell a dirty joke, your prayers have been answered.

Even if its utility seems uncertain, Playmail's popularity can no longer be questioned. Playmail has seen a storm of consumer interest, which reaffirms the old Hollywood adage: Never, ever underestimate the appeal of Erik Estrada.