Decoding doublespeak

My grandmother used to have a saying: "Mean what you say, and say what you mean." She still does, as a matter of fact. Closing in on 90 years old this October, Grandma Red is still a believer in that ol' saw.

Just a few months ago, Grandma and I got to talking about one of the things she loves to bring up on my too-infrequent visits.

"Just what is it you do again for a living?" she asked with one of her famous in-the-know winks. "Still writing about high-tech?"

"Yes," I said, and told her I was still writing about the Internet and computers and telephones and such. "Well, that's fine," she replied. "People need you, so long as you tend to business. Just be sure to mean what you say, and say what you mean. You'll go a long way so long as people trust you and can still understand what you're saying."

Then she grabbed my knee and whispered, "You know, there are lots of kids going into TV news these days, and I'd really like to trust them, but I don't. They look honest enough-I just don't understand a blasted thing they're talking about."

That little family snapshot came rushing back to me a few weeks ago after an exercise in doublespeak occurred at the FCC that will haunt the Internet business for months-if not longer.

A few weeks ago, the FCC finally decided that calls to an Internet service provider are long-distance calls. Then it turned right around and said that calls from on-line surfers would still be exempt from long-distance toll charges.

The "long distant" nature of the calls applies to the carriers initiating and terminating the calls-the business back-end of the Internet between ISPs and local exchange carriers. The decision keeps reciprocal compensation rules intact between ISPs and telcos. Those reciprocal agreements could mean a payout from telcos to ISPs of nearly $1 billion this year.

Pressed to elaborate on the legal nuances of the decision, FCC Chairman William Kennard said some things that could turn Grandma Red's hair white if it weren't already. "For consumers, dialing up the Internet is just like a local call," Kennard said. "It has always been, and as far as I'm concerned, it always will be."

With those words jumping off the pages of my Web wire services, I could hear Grandma Red. "Well then, Mr. Kennard, why not call it local for good and all? What's all this talk about long-distance, then?"

Even one of Kennard's colleagues on the FCC, Commissioner Harold Furchtgott-Roth, has concerns. He thought the decision was unclear and could give the telcos legal status to go to court to ask for per-minute charges for Internet connections.

It's been my experience that whenever doublespeak raises its ugly head in Washington, political intent is the culprit. Look at it this way: Telco executives, even with billions invested in Internet projects, still seem hopelessly adrift as they search for an effective Internet strategy. As they try to compete for traditional Web surfers, they could be on the brink of losing hoards of others looking for low-cost voice alternatives.

My sense is the FCC really does want to stay out of regulating the Internet. But, perhaps the FCC also thinks it needs to put in place an escape clause that will protect the telcos against losing billions in cash flow to newcomer Internet providers-for both data and voice. Should these Internet providers get too strong at the expense of bread-and-butter telco services, wham! Either way, the telcos will get their piece of the Internet pie. It's in the national interest. At least, the FCC seems to feel that way.

Even if I'm wrong about this safety valve view of the FCC's motives, just the uncertainty the FCC has wrought could be just as chilling as any outright regulation.

In just the past three years the Internet has scared the bejeezus out of many of this nation's most titanic businesses, including Microsoft, Merrill Lynch and WaldenBooks. And with the Internet changing things at warp speed, that siphon now endured by telcos could crack into a flood sooner than any of us can imagine.

And how long might that be? Look at the rest of Chairman's Kennard statement: "We are not regulating the Internet and we will not do so as long as I am chairman." Well, there's an election next year.

And I mean that too, Grandma.