Beware the socket lesson

For me, switching my voice service to the cable company would be like sticking my finger in that socket again.

When I was a child I stuck my finger into an open electrical socket that my father had neglected to cover when doing some household repairs. The finger — with my hand, arm and body attached — stuck to that socket as electrical current ran through me like Mississippi floodwaters overwhelming the banks of Davenport, Iowa.

When I finally broke free, I'd learned a lesson. While I am somewhat of a maladroit home handyman, you won't find me within 200 feet of electricity. I demonstrated this reticence when my father-in-law — recently retired from the state public electric utility — helped me wire my basement for additional electrical outlets.

I cringed in the spider web-laden corners while this brave senior routed wire. Finally, frustrated, he shoved a screwdriver into my hand.

“Here, use this. It won't hurt you.”

I shook my head, and he gave me that look that has forever said, “She could've chosen anyone, she chose him!” Then he touched something and a huge spark shot across the room. He sprawled backwards, almost falling off the ladder and glared at me as if I was to blame.

“Damn! I didn't think that thing was live.”

Better to be a live chicken than a dead dog, I thought.

It's been my experience with things like electricity to let the experts do the work. It might cost a little more. It might take a little longer. It certainly isn't macho — my butt crack being far less imposing than my electrician's — but it's worth the peace of mind of knowing it will probably be done right.

Thus, why would I ever buy my telephone service from Comcast — or any other cable operator? Comcast arrogantly delivers mediocre video at less-than-mediocre prices. As a digital subscriber, the DBS siren song sounds enticing. The only thing that's holding me back is what cable guys like to call their “stickiness” — Comcast also delivers sometimes-underwhelming “high-speed” Comcast@Home. Since there's no other high-speed option and since Comcast would jack my data rates by 10 bucks were I to eliminate cable, I hang in there.

But there's nothing in Comcast's history that would drive me to replace my Verizon phone service with Comcast@Phone. And that's a real image problem the cable operator has to battle before it can really approach the telephony market.

Truthfully, the phone company has never been particularly dedicated to pleasing me. They want two arms, a leg and a second mortgage every month for the very minimal extras that cost them pennies to provide. The pole in front of my house is pocked by more cleat marks than the Bears' offensive line.

And still I have no reason to give away my telephone business. At least part of that has to do with my childhood lesson; another part has to do with the adult lesson of watching cable companies from TelePrompTer to Riverfront Cablevision to Storer to Comcast botch the simplest tasks — such as providing reliable pictures.

For me, switching my voice service to the cable company would be like sticking my finger in that socket again. Apparently, I'm not normal in this regard because more than a million people have already switched. And more will join them as the cable industry perfects its PacketCable — or IPCablecom or whatever they're calling it these days — specifications.

In a way that's good. It's always better when it comes to paying the price to have two electricians or two phone companies or two cable companies to play against each other. Two cable companies? Oh yeah, I forgot, I'm in a Verizon territory.

But that's another column.

Contact Jim Barthold at jbarthold@intertec.com